I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
