Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
