Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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