me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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