Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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