I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
