Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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