if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
jump out the window naked night went bad
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
