u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
