Do you still have your period?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Randomize
