He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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