People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
