They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
