So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
