I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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