i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
