so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
