I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
