I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
