the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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