I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
