Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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