Your face is a jimmy john
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
