OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
