So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
