Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
