Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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