Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
