My Higher Power is John Stamos
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
