Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
