Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
