I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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