I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
