She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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