I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
