yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
