I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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