i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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