The maid of honor just puked.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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