try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
