the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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