hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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