I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
