i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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