its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
