I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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