this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
