Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
