somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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