I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
