took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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