Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Randomize
